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Why was the robber so secure He from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
Why was the robber so secure? He was a safe robber.

A police officer was escorting a prisoner from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
A police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off. "Shall I run and get it for you?" asked the prisoner obligingly. "You must think I'm daft," said the officer. "You stand here and I'll get it."

What makes you think the prisoner was from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
"What makes you think the prisoner was drunk?" asked the judge. "Well, Your Honor," replied the arresting officer, "I saw him lift up a manhole cover and walk away with it, and when I asked him what it was for he said, 'I want to listen to it on my record-player!' "

I think I hear burglars dear Are from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
I think I hear burglars, dear. Are you awake? No!

Judge You claim you robbed the grocery from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
Judge: You claim you robbed the grocery store because you were starving. So why didn't you take the food instead of the cash out of the till? Burglar: Your Honour! I'm a proud man, sir, and I make it a rule to pay for everything I eat.

Judge Why did you steal that bird from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
Judge: Why did you steal that bird? Prisoner: For a lark, sir.

What did the burglar say to the from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
What did the burglar say to the watchmaker as he tied him up? Sorry to take so much of your valuable time.

Why did the burglar take a shower from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
Why did the burglar take a shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway

Fred We had a burglary last night from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
Fred: We had a burglary last night, and they took everything except the soap and towels. Harry: The dirty crooks.

A woman woke her husband in the from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night. "There's a burglar downstairs eating the cake that I made this morning." "Who shall I call," her husband asked, "police or ambulance?"

A stupid bank robber rushed into a from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
A stupid bank robber rushed into a bank, pointed two fingers at the clerk and said, "This is a muck up!" "Don't you mean a stick up?" asked the girl. "No," said the robber, "it's a muckup. I've forgotten my gun."

Dad said Fred to his father who from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
"Dad," said Fred to his father, who was a bank robber. "I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow." "OK, son," said his dad, "I'll get you the cash when the bank closes."

Why was the robber bionic He was from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
Why was the robber bionic? He was holding up a bank.

The criminal mastermind found one of his from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
The criminal mastermind found one of his gang sawing the legs off his bed. "What are you doing that for?" demanded the crook boss. "Only doing what you ordered," said the stupid thug. "You told me to lie low for a bit!"

Two small time thieves had been sent from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
Two small time thieves had been sent by the Big Boss to steal a van load of goods from a bathroom suppliers. One stayed in the van as look out and the other went into the storeroom. Fifteen minutes went by, then half an hour, then an hour, and no sign of him. The look out finally grew impatient and went to look for his partner. Inside the store the two came face to face. "Where have you been?" demanded the worried look out. "The boss told me to take a bath, but I couldn't find the soap and a towel."

Whats another word for a murderer who from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
What's another word for a murderer who kills old ladies? A Killergran.

When the school was broken into the from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
When the school was broken into, the thieves took absolutely everything - desks, books, blackboards, everything apart from the soap in the lavatories and all the towels. The police are looking for a pair of dirty criminals.

Did you hear about the burglar who from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
Did you hear about the burglar who fell in the cement mixer? Now he's a hardened criminal.

Newsflash Two criminals have escaped from prison from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
Newsflash: Two criminals have escaped from prison today. One is orange and 9ft tall, and the other green and yellow and 2ft Gin tall. The police are searching high and low for them.

Several years ago Andy was sentenced to from Flashcomment Criminal jokes Jokes
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community.... and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over. The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what go t me into prison in the first place.